Intramuros Page 3
"But you said that I shouldn't go looking for you, that I should let fate bring us back together. I wanted to find you, but I had to keep what you said, because I believed in what you said. And even if I wanted to see you, how could I possibly find you in these labyrinth streets of Manila?"
"I wanted you to find me, I needed you to find me, and when I got tired of hoping, that's when I thought that fate would never bring you to me again. I wanted to forget you! But I just couldn't."
"I never forgot you, Julia. You were always inside me, playing in my dreams, just the thought of you made me smile. Whenever I rode the transit going to work, I always hoped that I'd come across you, or even just to see you. It never came, but your memories are still with me." Charles tried to console Julia who has covered her face with her hands.
"You took too long to come back!" Julia screamed and the walls wailed with her.
"I never left." Charles responded and he held Julia's face up. He wiped her tears and looked at her. He was so confused why Julia was so mad when it was her who had pushed him away years ago. He looked at her and even in tears, Julia was beautiful, her skin was soft, it seemed that she never aged at all. He put his hand on her chin and the other to the back of her head and his lips reached in for a kiss, but again, Julia shied away.
"What the matter?" Charles asked.
"You took too long!" she replied.
"What do you mean by that?" he asked again. Now he's become impatient with Julia's repulsiveness.
And out of the bosom of her dress, she brought out a gold necklace with a diamond ringattached to it.
"An engagement ring?" Charles breathlessly said as his world came tumbling down. He was shell-shocked, with this, his confusion became bitter clarity, all these years he waited for the right moment to be with her again and it all turned into a nightmare. Julia lifted the necklace and her hands shook. She knew that moment that she had shut the door on him.
"It's never that easy, Charles. You have a part in my heart, but I love him too, he saved me from the pain you brought in me." Julia explained, and realizing that he had missed the chance to chase after Julia after all those years, the mist in his eyes had turned into sobbing, he covered his face in disbelief.
"I thought fate would bring us joy, but instead it brought me depression." Said Julia
"I met James when I was in Cebu, I was painting and he came by to talk. And ever since that day, we travelled together. I found the comfort I was looking for, he's very kind to me, he respects me, and supports all my decisions." She continued.
Charles' heartbeat ponded, hi sweated profusely, and he felt the searing pain with every word Julia released from her inviting lips.
"Fate is a cheater, a liar, a goddamn traitor! Fate stole you from me." Charles was enraged, his heart raced and his veins pumped angrily. His face showed fury - He couldn't accept the circumstances - that he lost her just when he thought he had her.
"I wasn't here in Intramuros to paint, I was here because I couldn't cross the bridge. It hurt me, I was supposed to say farewell to all our memories and shut everything down in the drain. But when I got to the bridge my knees trembled and it all came back to me like a rush of wind. I couldn't let go, I just couldn't so I went and wandered around here. And here you are." Julia said.
"And here I am." he responded, obviously still mad at himself for letting fate get the better of him. The streetlights have now glazed the walls, and the golf park fired its spot lights for the nighttime players.
"Why didn't you say this earlier?" he asked for an explanation. There was a long silence between them and they sat still atop the wall, they heard the laughter of the golfers but it brought no calm to their emotions. The Christmas zephyr blew against them but there was nothing colder than their hearts. And if there was something that lit between them, it was only the streetlights. They watched the tower clock hit the next hour and its bells rang out throughout the city.
"You know why I wished for you that night in Dapitan?" Julia finally spoke. She turned her direction to Charles.
"I wished upon the brightest star for you because James had asked me to marry him, and I refused him for a second time already. I begged the heavens to bring you to me when I arrive in Manila, but days turned into months and after a year, you were not around." Julia stared at the engagement ring in her hand.
"Maybe this is our fate, Charles. Maybe this night was the closure I needed. That this is what you were meant to be in my life." Charles looked at her and in his eyes, his soul slowly vanished into thin air, he felt weaker with every word Julia said. He sensed Julia had already accepted the outcome of whatever they shared.
After miserable minutes of deafening silence, she stood up and stretched her legs. "When that clock hits at nine in the evening, meet me at San Agustin Church." Julia jumped off the wall and into the darkness she went. It was only a few minutes before the clock struck nine. Charles, distraught and confused soon followed.
Julia kept her pace ahead of Charles. He didn't know what Julia was up to but he kept a close distance. And when they arrived at the oldest Church in Intramuros, a mass was on-going - It was the first night of the Misa de Gallo. People gathered inside the church - cramped and most are unable to move, there were already plenty of people outside the church who could not come in.
Julia stopped at the big wooden arch door of San Agustin, Charles was soon by his side.
"Maybe it's not fate we should put ourselves in, but in faith." Julia said and grabbed Charles' hand and went into the church. They squeezed in while the faithful listened to the last rites of the mass - The church was filled up to the center aisle where they made a slow push to the altar.
"Do you have faith in anything?" Julia asked.
"Yes, why?" Charles answered as they pressed on to the front.
"I don't know what your purpose is in my life, but I believe we are meant for something. If you see me someday, will you still call my name?"
"I don't know if I'll see you again. Besides, you will have your own life, you will soon marry, have kids, and I'll be buried in your memories and soon be forgotten." Charles responded, the situation finally beginning to sink in.
"I remember what you said to me about life - That it's never how we planned it to be. You have a lot of that in your life, and you're having one right now, with me." Julia whispered. They were now halfway through the crowd, but they couldn't push any further, people gave them death stares for pushing forward to the altar.
"What happens to us now?" Charles asked, his eyes became misty once again as they looked each other in the eye, not caring for the other people cramped in the church. There was silence in the crowd but their heartbeats grew stronger and they could feel each other's pump of blood in their veins.
"We'll go our separate ways, you will be somewhere, I will be somewhere - Let all things happen and accept it, do not demand the universe for it. If it is meant to happen, it will happen."
"Will you put us in the hands of fate again?" Charles frantically asked. The church was so crowded that their grip on each other's hand began to weaken.
"No, all I ask is for you to have faith in this." Julia pleaded, her eyes had began to moist.
"And why should I believe you this time, I already lost you the first time." Charles' voice faltered, and his eyes, watered. The mass had just finished and people began to leave the church, flocking against them.
"Because there is no fate but what we make." Julia said, and with a spineless smile, and a tear falling from her eyes, she released her bind from Charles' grip and he was swept away by the wave of crowd making their way out of the faithful-filled church. He saw that Julia just stood silent at the aisle, she did not move, she watched Charles be slowly swallowed by the crowd and away from her. They kept their eyes locked to each other for as long as they could and Charles tried desperately to
ride against the wave of people but he was swept outside. He waited for the people to empty the church plaza and kept an eye for Julia. But as the old wooden doors of San Agustin closed and the flock of people had disappeared, he was left alone. There was no sight of Julia, she had disappeared with the crowd. Charles looked at the fa?ade of the church - big yellow Christmas bulbs surrounded the shape of the church.
"The next time I see you, I won't let you go!" he shouted at the plaza filled with people as a desperate plea to Julia, he knew in his heart that he had let her slip away from his love once again and no one heard him but the coldness of December. He remembered what Julia last said to him and he murmured what he could encapsulate.